U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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