I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize