Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
