wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
