im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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