You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
