well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
