look no pants
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
