Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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