It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize