You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize