I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
