the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
