don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
