God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The Olympian is in my bed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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