You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
