You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
