I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
