lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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