Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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