My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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