Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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