nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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