we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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