Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize