i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
