Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
