1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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