My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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