where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
