I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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