Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
