I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
