remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
