Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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