I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
