Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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