you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize