I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
