omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
