so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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