im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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