the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He shit in the fireplace
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
