Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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