I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
