Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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