I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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