I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize