Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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