Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
