Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize