I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
