so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
