so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
