if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
