So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
