Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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