Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
