dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
