She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
