had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
