I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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