I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I cockslap morals
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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