Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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