We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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