I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
