I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
