I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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