So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
