Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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