why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it's not cheating when I paid for it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize