I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
