You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
