I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i'm inner monologue high
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
