AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
