I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
