i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
