I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
