What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
