You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
