That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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