I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
