we have pet lesbian snakes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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