I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
