You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
