just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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