He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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