Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
