I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
