just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
