My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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