if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
