God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
