the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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