Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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