I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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