I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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