Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
