you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i now understand why vodka
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
